Can Sleep Divorce Help Your Relationship?

couple sleeping in all white sheets wearing white

Have you ever had to deal with a bed partner’s snoring? Do your partner’s sleep disorders and sleep habits harm you? Are you a night owl and your special someone is an early bird, or vice versa? Well, if your answer is yes, you already know how difficult it can be to get quality sleep.

Even the birds in the trees know that healthy sleep is crucial to both mental and physical well-being. Enjoying the closeness of sleeping next to one another is a valuable experience. I’m sure you love your partner and want to share a bed, nestle in each other’s arms, or hug with them. This may be the best thing at the end of a long day.

But if you dread bedtime together, a sleep divorce may be the solution. Don’t worry; there won’t be a lawyer or all the paperwork. Let’s take a look at what a sleep divorce means.

What Is a Sleep Divorce?

A sleep divorce is simply sleeping apart. In order to get the best sleep, partners sleep in separate beds or bedrooms. Does it sound extreme, unsentimental, or unromantic? Do you think that your relationship will end or get into trouble? Actually, a bedroom divorce may save your relationship.

When one partner has a sleep disorder, it negatively affects the other. You may have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or getting healthy, quality sleep. Struggling to get a good night’s sleep can cause a variety of mental and physical problems. It can affect your concentration or memory, raise your blood pressure, and cause coronary heart disease, diabetes, and cancer. It has a significant impact on quality of life.

Unhealthy, bad sleep can limit your abilities, affect your mood, and lead to relationship problems, not just with your partner but also with your family members, relatives, friends, and coworkers. It can lead to other issues, such as depression, anxiety, low motivation or energy, tiredness, difficulty socializing, working, or studying. Also, according to experts, a lack of sleep is a significant factor in motor vehicle accidents.

Setting healthy sleeping habits is crucial for your overall well-being. Sleeping in separate rooms or beds doesn’t have to affect your intimacy or lead to an actual separation. Couples who sleep in separate rooms don’t love or respect each other less. They just want to improve their sleep hygiene, which will help their relationship in the long run.

We all know that sleeping together doesn’t always save a marriage or relationship. Loving each other enough to try something that makes life easier for your partner can be as important as sharing a bed. It’s better to separate your beds before bedtime becomes a potential war zone.

Signs you need a sleep divorce

We all need and deserve a night of healthy, sweet, deep rapid eye movement (REM). It’s one of the four stages the brain moves through while sleeping. It plays a role and benefits learning, memory, and mood. A lack of REM sleep may have disadvantageous implications for physical and mental health, such as reducing coping skills, migraines, and obesity.

It’s important to value your relationship and your health as well. Here is when you should consider a bed divorce:

Sleeping divorce can be a solution if you or your partner:

  • Have different sleep patterns or schedules
  • Snore loudly
  • Move a lot while sleeping
  • Have different preferences
  • Need light while sleeping
  • Have sleep disorders
  • You sleep too hot or too cold
  • Get anxious around bedtime
  • Use sleeping pills or earplugs too much

leg showing from person sleeping in the sheets

There are a lot of tricks to sleeping better. I know people who redesign their bedrooms, use effective sleep apps, limit caffeine and alcohol intake, have a healthy, varied diet, start winding down before bedtime, or do breathing and relaxation exercises. I suggest you try everything that may help. But if you still wake up with bags under your eyes, you should consider bed divorce.

You don’t have to sleep apart seven days a week. You can sleep separately on weekdays and together at the weekend or during holidays. It’s crucial to prioritize love, agree on a plan, and hit snooze in peace.

Pros and cons of sleep divorce

Experts recommend adults receive seven to nine hours of sleep per night. If you have a partner who snores, turns all night, steals the blanket, or has sleep apnea, you know how hard it can be to fall asleep and stay asleep. Sleep divorce can help you get quality sleep while maintaining closeness and intimacy. Of course, there are good and bad sides to this decision.

It’s worth looking at the pros and cons of sleeping in separate beds.


  • Better sleep

Sleeping in separate bedrooms can be the best way to get the sleep you need. Always remember that some serious health issues are associated with a lack of quality sleep. If you miss out on valuable sleep, it may also jeopardize your relationship or marriage.

  • It may help you and your partner grow closer

When you get better sleep, you feel better and have more energy throughout the day. You won’t be tired, nervous, or angry, so you can enjoy your partner’s company and spend quality time together.

  • You have the time to miss each other

If you live together, work together, or work at home, and spend too much time together during the day, sleeping apart may give you a chance to miss each other. You will have your own space and get excited to see each other every morning.


  • There is no built-in intimacy time

Why do couples like to sleep together? Well, it’s crucial for connecting intimately on an emotional and physical level. They feel relaxed and nurtured. When you decide to sleep in separate beds or rooms, you will lose the opportunity for bedtime intimacy. You should create a good plan for physical and emotional connection during the day, or you may consider separating only a few days a week.

The Sleep Divorce Stigma

Even though the “sleep divorce trend is becoming more common and popular, there is still a stigma around couples who sleep apart. A bedroom divorce usually leads to the presumption that something is wrong in a relationship. Plenty of people think it means emotional distance as a result of the physical distance. This will probably affect how your family and friends view the health of your relationship. Actually, it can bring couples closer together. It leads to strengthened connections and good moods.

Sometimes sleep separation is necessary. It doesn’t signal the end of your relationship or marriage. Healthy REM sleep leads to improved mood and is definitely important for supporting healthy and loving relationships. Bed divorce helps couples who suffer from sleep disorders or have different sleep habits, new parents, and shift workers.

It can reduce conflict and irritability and improve communication.

You can get daily time for intimacy and contact, snuggle on the couch, or spend some time in bed together before you separate ways to snooze. You can also think about sexy sleepovers. Consider choosing the days you sleep together.

Always prioritize love, intimacy, and your relationship.


If you are on different pages about being sleep divorced, try to build in exceptions and compromise. The key is to have clear conversations.

And do not forget that there are no better options; it’s all about what works best for you both.

Is Sleeping Apart Bad for Relationships or Marriage?

The term “sleep divorce may sound pejorative and can marginalize couples who truly need to sleep separately. Even though it has a negative connotation, it can actually lead to increased looseness and intimacy. A lot of people think that couples who sleep apart grow apart, but researchers show that this is not always true.

Sleeping together can be harmful to a marriage or relationship when one or both bed partners’ sleep disorders or habits cause sleep deprivation. Couples who get enough sleep have lower stress levels and less frequent and serious disputes.

Sleeping apart has its downsides, of course. Cuddling and sleeping next to someone you love have a lot of benefits, including causing the release of oxytocin, “the love hormone”. It’s a crucial component of the bonding between romantic partners. Hugging, kissing, and sexual intimacy trigger oxytocin production. It can strengthen bonds and have a positive impact on mood and emotions.

If you sleep in separate beds or rooms, take some moments for a good, long hug with your partner, be physically and emotionally intimate, and tell your partner how much you care. Always try to find a balance and schedule date nights.

The most important thing is open communication and finding solutions that are best for both of you. If this seems impossible, you can try the conscious uncoupling technique.

Tips To Make a Sleep Divorce Work

Before taking the steps towards sleeping in separate beds or rooms, talk about the new arrangements. Always let your partner know how much and why you love and appreciate them. Do not use the word “you”. Instead, use the term “we”: “We have different sleep styles, and I wonder if you are open to trying something that can work for both of us”.

Schedule spending time together before deciding to separate beds. Take opportunities to have quality time throughout the day. Hug everywhere, in the kitchen, bathroom, or street. Snuggle in your free time, make intimate moments a priority, and go on date nights.

Express your appreciation. Be grateful. Talk about your emotions. Be open and honest. Communication should be a crucial step. Address all insecurities and make sure nobody feels rejected. Be kind. Learn how to recognize and rework resentment in your relationships.

The most important thing is to always be of the same mind about intimacy, make time to sleep together, and be connected.

Final Thoughts

Having enough, healthy, and quality sleep is the Holy Grail when it comes to your overall well-being. It’s a crucial, vital key to everything you do from dawn to dusk. After a good rest, you will have an improved quality of life, feel more energized, and be more engaged, patient, and attentive.

Sleeping apart doesn’t mean the end of intimacy, emotionally or sexually. Let’s face it: absence and deficiency of energy are far bigger threats to an active sexual life than a lack of opportunity. Just make sure that your partner doesn’t take the need for space and healthy sleep as a sign of rejection.

We all come into relationships with our own stories and habits. It can be hard to find balance.

The key?

Respect differences. Talk. Be secure in yourself and your relationship. Consider all solutions.

If a sleep divorce is what keeps your relationship healthy, just ignore the doubters. Work out what’s best for you both. Create a space where you can spend intimate time together.

Many sleep disorders are treatable. You can always seek help if some of them are to blame for your bed divorce.

Keep in mind that sleeping in separate beds or rooms can be a tool for a thriving, healthy, and loving relationship; just always meet your needs. And sleep well, girls!

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