Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash
The incompetent husband is that charming, seemingly funny man who just can’t seem to wrap himself out of the daily chores or manly tasks he should be doing around the house. Sounds familiar?
No matter how lovable he might sound, the notion behind the husband’s incompetency solely relies on the fact that he cannot keep the house in order, and even his life.
In the past few years, there have been more and more jokes related to such stereotypical husbands who cannot perform any domestic tasks without the help of their wife’s guidance or assistance. Does this sound normal or not? Unfortunately, society and social media nowadays dictate the rules.
So, can we stop with the funny portrayals of the “incompetent husband” around the digital world? Is the husband’s incompetence issue a task only a psychologist can solve? And can we stop the incompetent husband’s humor once and for all?
The Origin of the Incompetent Trope
Throughout history, no one could exactly pinpoint the notions of a “perfect” husband, but let’s say that he has to be loyal, respectful, honest, caring, and preferably, hardworking.
When we choose the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with, we have to look into those pivotal matters, otherwise there could be far other problems than mere husband incompetence.
When it comes to the incompetent husband notion, it all began in the media when TV entertainment such as shows, movies, series, and advertisements started portraying the husband as “useless” and thus incompetent.
The media might have done that subtly, but things have stuck in viewers’ heads and from then on it has become utterly hard to rule out the fact that the societal narrative showcases husbands as incapable, stupid, and bumbling. Just remember the classical Homer Simpson or the funny but clumsy Peter Griffin.
All that the media keeps doing is constantly undermining men and reinforcing the differences in gender roles by enhancing the capabilities of the so-called “competent” wife and in that way contributing to husbands losing their masculinity.
Understanding Weaponized Incompetence
Weaponized incompetence is the term that social media sites such as TikTok or Instagram use for portraying their partners or spouses on how they use an abundance of strategies to avoid responsibilities.
Even though weaponized incompetence mainly signalized the annoyance behind having such a partner and then jokingly sharing stories of how they are eloping duties, that doesn’t mean that such media videos are not staged.
Nevertheless, the data gathered and the whole story behind such contextual issues has created a weaponized incompetent husband. Whether the behavior is truthful or not, it still can poorly manifest in the way society observes such husbands.
Let’s take this everyday scenery, for example:
A wife left noodles for the husband to boil for lunch, and instead of boiling them in a pan for 8 minutes, he just splashed hot cattle water on top of them. Sure, the psychologist would have a lot to analyze behind such situations from the husband simply avoiding responsibility to him seeking attention, but the emotional impact on the wife can be huge.
Both partners ought to talk things through and resolve the matters instead of mocking one another on social media, otherwise, there could be huge consequences to the marriage.
Here is where the relationship-talking stage is of the essence because the emotional burden can be immense and both sides need to comprehend the weaponized incompetence in relationships and resolve it adequately for a healthier future.
Examples of Weaponized Incompetence in a Relationship
Examples of weaponized incompetence of husbands are many. Whether it’s related to neglecting or avoiding chores, delegating household tasks, or having issues related to childcare, weaponized incompetence in relationships can trigger many other problems that affect gender inequality.
Some of the most common examples of weaponized incompetence are the following:
Childcare: When you ask your partner to change the baby’s diaper but they are afraid of putting the diaper the wrong way/ or can’t find the supplies for it and end up avoiding it.
Shopping for groceries: When you give clear instructions to your partner on what to buy and even give a detailed list, they end up forgetting half of things. Even not knowing what is missing in the household and always relying on the wife to tell the husband what is needed is another way of showing incompetence.
Doing chores: When you ask the partner to put the dishes away, clear the laundry basket, or take out the trash, they put off doing these things until the wife finishes it off.
Financial responsibilities: When you have to pay out the loan, for instance, but the partner starts deflecting responsibility and insists you take the financial burden.
Such husband-weaponized incompetence examples are not new, neither are they ambiguous, but they can cause disturbances in household harmony.
The effect of these examples of weaponized incompetencies on relationship dynamics is causing imbalance, lack of trust, communication breakdown, and even resentment and conflict.
The Harmful Effect of Reinforcing Stereotypes
Over the course of time, husband incompetence issues can significantly destroy the relationship. The grandiose effect of reinforcing stereotypes can go long away from home disturbances to vast gender inequality at social gatherings and work.
However, the harmful effects of the incompetent husband are mainly placed upon men and women in domestic roles.
Women at home no longer want to submit to such inequality and they either try to go with the flow and take things into their own hands to save marital harmony or they simply strive to put their mental health in focus and let things be. Reinforcing stereotypes is never a good solution because the social expectations placed on both men and women vary from generation to generation.
In the past, it was normal for women to do all the housework, but nowadays, men have implemented some domestic roles. Why wouldn’t it be okay for a husband to cook, vacuum the house, and babysit? … actually, it isn’t really babysitting when it is your own child, right?
Reinforcing stereotypes can lead to dumbing men down and enhancing a wife’s competencies can have a negative outcome on their relationship, causing disturbances, faulty decisions, lack of trust, and a lot of intolerance.
Challenging and Changing the Narrative
Even at the start of a relationship, if you have followed online dating green flags, gone on numerous dates, and wanted to discover one’s good and bad sides, how is it that a partner cannot spot the signs of having an incompetent husband?
The answer lies in habits and patterns. In marriage people get used to the ways they behave when they are around each other, however, when they have some chores or other obligations they (the husbands) tend to neglect their marital duties, and that’s where the whole idea of an incompetent life partner has popped out.
To change the challenging narrative first, you both need to validate yourself, don’t have false expectations, and pay attention to each other’s words and behaviors. Secondly, don’t jump to conclusions, show respect, and come up with equitable divisions of housework.
Delegate labor in the home if necessary, if not, then discuss the issues, and establish clear expectations. If the husband doesn’t know how to fold or iron clothes, it doesn’t mean that he wouldn’t be able to mow the lawn or trim the hedges. Practice active listening and communicate your thoughts and feelings.
Celebrating Competent Husbands: Redefining Masculinity
Let’s be honest, a husband who shares his wife’s home duties is more masculine and sexy than the one who doesn’t do anything around the house.
Husbands who actively participate in various domestic tasks and child-rearing would attract the women’s affection even more as they represent themselves as helpful, confident, caring and actually showing interest in taking care of the household together.
A husband who is able to cook dinner without being told to, take the children to a playdate, or plan out the entire holiday, is a very competent husband, to say the least.
The Bottom Line
Always aim to encourage your love partner, and don’t have high expectations as no human being is perfect.
When you take out the humor behind the incompetency, you may only see a husband who is trying to please his wife without much success maybe, but still trying. Love and marriage are about ups and downs, and if you embrace each other’s flaws, you are doing a good job.
