This Holiday season got me thinking about loneliness. Or more specifically, being romantically alone during this time. Right after Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the New Year comes Valentine’s day, and so many “so…anyone new” family questions whilst on the dining table. Why am I single? Am I single on purpose? Well, I’m not sure mom. Too much focus on my career or too little on the folks around me? Maybe my last relationship made it harder to look for someone new, or maybe I just want to be stable and happy on my own first. God, I don’t know!
So many of us feel like this, and when I was single, so did I. After my previous, three-year-long relationship, I took a step back from the dating scene. I wasn’t sure who I was and what I was looking for in all honesty. But weeks become months, and I still wasn’t sure what I wanted, or who. “What is wrong with me why am I single”, would dance around my head every now and then. But you don’t really get to reflect on the situation you’re in when you’re in it, only after it has passed. So, I wanted to share my opinion with my single self, or anyone who is or was in a similar situation.
Self-Love and Other Drugs
I know you all probably see this one being thrown in your faces all over social media. But just because it’s been said a thousand times, doesn’t mean it is any less true. And from the looks of it, none of us are practicing it enough. Lack of self-love and appreciation can lead to feeling lonely in a relationship, or even overall. When your own love is not strong enough, no one ever will be. Please remember that.
Before you get into a relationship, self-love builds appreciation and boundaries. Good and healthy boundaries you shouldn’t really cross for anyone, not even your dream person. Without them, we let people with nothing but destruction on their minds in, and ourselves out. That’s where all the loneliness comes in, not because the other person is absent, but because we ourselves are.
I’m not saying that I or you haven’t known that while single, just that we should know how important it is before giving our best for someone else. Especially if you found yourself humming that “I wished he loved me” nonsense.
There is Always Time, There is Always Someone
Probably the worst thing you could tell yourself is that you are on the clock and that there aren’t people who are right for you…Atrocious. I knew I wasn’t going to be single for the rest of my life. There is always time and enough people, always. That’s how to enjoy being single. Depending on your interests and standards, as well as how outgoing you are, finding someone has seemingly never been easier. For example, I’ve met my boyfriend on Twitter, lol.
And as stupid as that sounds, there really is a lot of people out there, but they won’t just show up at your door. Unless they’re the cute cable guy. My point is, it’s a lot easier to feel less pressure and stress when you allow yourself time to figure shit out. And if you lose that one person you really wanted, there’s a lot more where that came from. Appreciate what life has to offer and why.
My grandma always used to say, “you never know what that’s good for”, whenever something bad or disappointing would happen. Allow things to happen, you might get surprised. Another stupid example from my love life is that I never would have met my current boyfriend if I hadn’t made a Twitter account to anonymously talk shit about my ex! Life is weird like that sometimes, so let it be!
Experience the Single Life to the Fullest
I have many friends who have been in long relationships, and despite everything being sunny in Philadelphia, they sure do miss the freedom that came with cruising alone. There are many things you can do with your friends, and even alone, that offer a lot of room for growth and new experiences.
Maybe the reason why that one situation didn’t work out is that a different one will, it’s all about perspective, trust me. Plus, don’t be afraid of being single in your 30s or 40s or whatever!! Age makes no difference, there are almost 8 billion of us on this planet. So much space to do so many things. So, here are some you can do while you’re single:
- Camping/hiking trip with the girls;
- Teach yourself an instrument!!
- Start meditating, especially in the morning;
- Try out new recipes;
- Go on a trip all alone!
- Take YOURSELF out on a date;
- Read more books, please;
- Reflect on your life philosophy and ideals;
- Rearrange your living room;
- Buy more plants!
And many more. Of course, you can do all of these while in a relationship too. But there is a beauty when doing healthy and progressive stuff all on your own, before the I wish I had a boyfriend feelings strike really hard. One day we all wake up and realize we ourselves are enough for ourselves, a liberating feeling to say the very least.
Don’t Take Every Chance at Love…
Love is great, makes the world go round and all of that bs…However, don’t give your hand to everyone that asks for it. What I mean by that is, don’t fall for potential, but for what is real and what is offered to you. You really don’t want to end up with the types of guys who stay single! You would soon learn as to why that is.
Instead, spend your time doing things you want, when you want and how you want them. The more you allow yourself to do what you need, the more comfortable you’ll become in your own skin. That leads to more confidence, which obviously, helps when wanting love. But at the end of the day, love is never something that needs to be forced. Just like anything organic, it comes naturally. Sometimes it’s slow, sometimes very fast – but the bottom line is this, always put yourself first, and love will follow, trust me.