The Art of Apologizing: How to Make Amends Authentically

friend apologizing to a friend

Photo by Roberto Nickson on Unsplash

Surely, there have been times that you have made a mistake and somehow didn’t feel like you’ve done something wrong. On the other hand, perhaps there have been times that you have gotten on someone’s nerves unintentionally and gone separate ways without knowing why.

When we fail to recognize our mistakes or merely acknowledge that we have done something wrong, we should stop and think – what was I thinking and how to make amends now?

We have all been there, and let’s be honest, nobody is perfect. If you have forgotten your boyfriend’s birthday, your best friend’s graduation, or said something unkind, forgot a promise, or maybe broke a promise and failed to apologize, here are some of the steps on how to apologize to someone and how to make amends authentically.

The Importance of a Genuine Apology

Honesty is the best policy, period. If you wish for the apology to be truly effective, it should be genuine. The second you recognize you have made the mistake of not doing what you were supposed to say or do, you will immediately feel some twist in the gut, or cold sweat may start dripping off your back.

This is not a good feeling at all, but expressing a genuine apology may correct some part of the actions or words you have ushered. Why we say “some” is because actions speak louder than words, and besides a genuine apology, you also need to show that you feel remorse and sorrow for what you have caused.

A genuine apology can open new ways to the heart and mind and help you get your friendship or relationship on the right track.

What’s more, when it takes a great effort to admit a mistake and express remorse for hurting the person you care for, you will do your best never to make the same mistake, which will automatically make you a better person.

Steps to Crafting A Sincere Apology

Someone once said: “Sorry seems to be the hardest word”, and, let’s face it, this is true for plenty of reasons. There’s the pride, then the unawareness factor, the neglect, and before you know it there come the friendship breakups. Put plainly, so many things can prevent a person from saying sorry, at least at first glance. Luckily, it’s never too late to say sorry no matter how grandiose the mistake or issue is.

Anyhow, there are a few crafted steps that you can follow to show real remorse and make amends. The first step entails accepting your deeds and that they have caused pain and discomfort to the person you care for. Once you have accepted your actions and you want to show that you honestly feel sorry for what you’ve done, you should try to take responsibility for your offense.

The next step involves explaining what has happened, stating that you understand how the offense occurred without excuses, and then expressing remorse.

When saying “I am sorry” try to be direct and sincere because if you show that you wish to express only a heartfelt apology and feel honest remorse, there can only be a positive outcome. Of course, things may depend on the type of pain you have caused, but a sincere apology will always be recognized.

Choosing the Right Time and Setting

If you haven’t said the magic words the second you ushered them or done a wrongful deed, then it’s no use saying them after 10 minutes. The key is for the apology to be truly genuine, and for that you must show that you utterly feel sorry for what you’ve said or done, recognize the consequences caused, and acknowledge that you have hurt the person you care for.

And that takes time, right? Choosing the perfect time to apologize also takes time.

If you express remorse or feel humiliated by what you have done, there’s no use in waiting months, obviously, not even weeks because the person might think what you have said was okay and that you have forgotten all about it.

When a person is under a lot of stress, it’s common to say what he or she doesn’t think, however, unless you recognize your mistake instantly and apologize at that exact moment, maybe wait a day or two for things to settle.

Admitting a mistake and apologizing when the tides have settled is the essence of building a strong relationship foundation. A sincere apology has no boundaries and thus there’s no right time or moment to apologize if you really mean it.

Activate Listening and Validation

So, how to make a good apology? Simply, mean it from the bottom of your soul. The way you validate yourself, that’s the way you should validate others. And in order to truly validate yourself and the people around you, you must be present at the moment and stay truthful to your actions.

Therefore, if you are looking for ways to apologize to someone, carefully listen to what they are saying and don’t let words spill out of your mouth faster than you can process them. Being an active listener is the quintessential manner of making amends authentically as well.

When you listen diligently to what a person is explaining, how they felt when you didn’t apologize, what consequences it has left upon them, and when you listen to their explanation from start to finish, you will understand how powerful an apology is.

Implementing Change and Learning from Mistakes

Okay, so you have made a mistake, well, there’s no crying over spilled milk. Once you have recognized the mistake you have made and made an effort to apologize authentically, the time has come to sit down and think about your actions.

To avoid making the same mistake all over again, you need to fully sense the burden of how it would have felt if you hadn’t apologized for the mistakes you have made.

Also by putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and getting the gist of how you would have felt if someone else had done something bad or said something wrong to you and haven’t apologized later on. Listen to what people are saying and think about your next step before you say something you don’t mean.

Only by opening your mind and heart, and start actively listening will you learn from your actions and become a better person.

The Long-term Benefits of Apologizing

“I apologize for the mistake I have made” or “I shouldn’t have done this, I am sorry” go beyond any borders. When you gather your thoughts and give a heartfelt apology, people will sense your honesty and realize deep down that you are a reasonable, responsible, and compassionate person. Possessing such qualities indicates that you are not self-centered, cheeky, and rude, but quite the opposite. Hence, the long-term benefits of apologizing are becoming a kindhearted, reliable, and emphatic friend and a human being.

Long story short, apologizing from the bottom of your heart can cure any broken heart, promise, or undo a deed, as long as you have sincere feelings.

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