Have you ever been hit by a love bomb? In the beginning, it feels glorious. A lot of admiration, excessive praise, lavish gift buying, and attention. It seems you have just found Mr. Right—your soul mate. He puts you on a pedestal, says exactly what you want to hear, uses compliments excessively, wants to spend every moment with you, and loves you more than anything, including himself.
You feel like a goddess. And then, suddenly, the love bomber loses interest, and there is nothing else but ghosting. Your dream comes crashing down and becomes a nightmare.
Love bombing and ghosting are perplexing experiences, and being put through both by the same guy can be really hurtful, disturbing, and distressing. The question is, Why do guys love bomb then ghost? In this article, I’m going to answer this question, indicate red flags to watch out for, and give you useful advice on how to heal and move forward.
What is love bombing?
Love is a divine feeling that moves the world, a force of nature, a strong bond, and closeness. It’s an elementary, essential core in humans’ lives: emotional and physical attachment, sharing feelings, thoughts, and desires with the other person. It means to be greatly committed and connected to someone. Love is building each other up, valuing your partner’s happiness and needs as much as your own, and creating a connection that allows space and freedom. It’s acceptance, intimacy, passion, protectiveness, closeness, and trust.
In healthy relationships, partners should be willing to be vulnerable, to do their best, to support each other, and to apologize and forgive when they make mistakes. They prioritize their relationship, make it unconditional, and show affection. They boost each other’s self-esteem, set healthy boundaries, and respect each other. Being in a healthy relationship includes mutual respect, trust, honesty, good communication, compromise, self-confidence, problem solving, understanding, and individuality.
Every relationship is unique, and there is no perfect one. There will always be problems, misunderstandings, and disappointments that may lead to heartbreak and distress. Love can be painful and hurtful, but it’s necessary. Everyone needs to be loved.
Love bombing can be exciting and interesting, and it may look like true love, but it’s not. Actually, it’s a form of emotional and psychological abuse, even if there is no malicious intent. It is common in romantic relationships and usually occurs at the beginning of a relationship. It’s showering a partner with excessive, over-the-top attention and affection in order to create an intense bond.
Love bombers try to control and manipulate their partner and produce intimacy faster than normal. They will bombard you with excessive love and affection, buy you valuable, unexpected gifts, and praise you effusively. Simply put, they will do everything to sweep you off your feet.
If you find yourself thinking that your partner and the relationship you have seem too good to be true, they just might be. Keep this in mind: love bombing is one of the most crucial narcissistic red flags. This kind of relationship easily turns into a toxic, abusive, and unhealthy one.
Signs of love bombing
A lot of love bombers are people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
Actually, love bombing then ghosting is medically clarified in narcissistic behavior relationship stages named:
- Idealization (love bombing)
- Discarding (ghosting)
t can be challenging to handle this kind of relationship, especially if your partner has NPD. Oh, yes, love bombing feels good. Compliments feel good. Being on a pedestal feels good. But once you put your fence down, your partner’s manipulative face will appear just in front of you. Nothing charming, believe me. When he feels he has secured your loyalty and addiction, he will start becoming manipulative, critical, and even abusive. All those beautiful things that may look like green flags in the talking stage—constant communication, compliments, and love announcements—can easily become red flags of a toxic relationship.
If you start asking yourself, Is your relationship love bombing or genuine? It’s time to analyze your partner’s behaviors and your relationship.
There are some common love bombing signs to watch out for:
- Your partner is overly complimentary early on
- He is incredibly interested in your life
- He dumps his personal details too quickly
- He wants constant validation
- He reminds you of his love in every communication
- He buys you valuable, extravagant, unexpected or inappropriate gifts
- He attempts to isolate you from your friends and family
- He pushes for commitment early in the relationship
- He dislikes it when you set boundaries
- He makes declarations about fate and destiny
Love bombing usually lasts days or weeks; it may even last longer, for months, if you seem more resistant. It will continue until your partner feels he has reached an inescapable level of control.
What causes a person to love bomb?
In the early stages of a relationship, receiving lots of attention, compliments, and gifts can easily make us feel loved and wanted. Seeking to create an intense, emotional bond at an early stage can be charming and exciting. It can be one of the best online dating good signs. But at the same time, it can be a sign of a coercively controlling partner and the beginning of a toxic relationship.
Love bombing is not genuine. It’s simply done for selfish purposes. It’s based on emotional control and manipulation. It can be marked as too much, too fast, or too soon. You don’t have enough time and space to think clearly and recognize red flags. Even though it’s obvious, you cannot see that your new partner doesn’t know you well and that strong feelings aren’t rooted in anything real, especially true love. You will probably become dependent on the love bomber.
The question is, Why do people love bomb? Well, there are some common motives for love bombers. Let’s look at the reasons:
- Family culture of love and expressiveness
There are families that encourage the expression of feelings of fondness or appreciation for each other. Your partner may have grown up in one of these families. If he uses the phrase “I love you” constantly, especially at the early stage, he may even not understand the weight of these words. You can ask them to stop behaviors that disturb you and give your relationship more time to develop. Communicate openly.
- Loneliness or the desire for a relationship to develop quickly
If your partner has been alone for a long time or thrives on being in a romantic relationship, they probably love bomb you in order to keep you close while your relationship is still developing. He is afraid of losing you and has an insecure attachment style. You can discuss boundaries, and if they are not respected, it’s probably time to part ways.
- Wish to keep you “on hold” until they decide whether they want a long lasting relationship
Some people need time to decide what they truly want from a relationship. Maybe your partner wants a secure and stable relationship but is hesitant to be emotionally vulnerable. If words don’t match actions and your need to take things slowly is not respected, you should consider untying the knot.
- Desire to manipulate or take advantage
This is the most serious reason and motive that show you are dealing with a narcissist, a sociopath, or a person with borderline personality disorder. You should keep your eyes and ears open and watch out for any red flags of insincere affection. If you think that manipulation is the motive, you should pull out, stop any kind of communications and connections, and even search for external support.
Another important question is: is love bombing always bad? Well, sometimes it can be a positive experience. Some people use it to express true love and closeness. Just be sure they are honest and not manipulative. Otherwise, love bombing can be dangerous. It may lead to confusion, doubt, and self-doubt. It can also damage your self-worth and self-esteem. You may lose your support network.
3. It may have a negative effect on your life.
Friendships should not put you in danger or make you feel uncomfortable and unsafe. If someone consistently ignores your boundaries or pressures you to do something dangerous, it may not be a very healthy relationship. You should always define what is and isn`t acceptable behavior, express your expectations and needs, set limits on your time and energy, and communicate all these clearly to the other person. Always avoid dangerous situations. In case you feel that the other person may hurt you, seek all available support.
What is ghosting?
Ghosting is instantaneously cutting off contact with no reason or explanation. Being ghosted is usually very frustrating and confusing, but being love bombed then ghosted can be annoying, stressful, and hurtful. It can even lead to anxiety or depression.
It can be really hard to deal with a situation when your partner, after weeks or months of love bombing, suddenly stops responding to your calls or messages without any explanations or closure.
Let’s look at some common signs of ghosting:
- Never texting you back
- Sending your calls to voicemail
- Blocking you from social media
- Deleting all social accounts to prevent all contacts
- Changing the path if they see you in public
It’s important to know that ghosting is not the silent treatment. Love bombing then silent treatment, is not permanent; it’s more like punishment. Your partner ignores you for a while to punish you for things you have or have not done. There is no intention of ending the relationship.
On the other hand, ghosting is for good and all. It means that your partner wants to remove you from his life, both physically and emotionally. They want to get rid of you.
Love bombing then pulling away is the story you hear very often in the modern age of dating. It doesn’t happen only in romantic relationships. It can occur in any kind of relationship, whether friendships between coworkers or family members.
It can really hurt to be love bombed then ghosted. It will not only leave you confused but also make it challenging to trust yourself and other people.
What is love bombing then ghosting?
Love bombing then ghosting is a stereotyped behavior that is too common in dating today. It is a strategy used by people who are manipulative, narcissists, or others who actually do not have honest intent to obtain power and control over likely dating partners. It is often abusive behavior, which can be very damaging and painful.
After a period of great attention and affection, gift-giving, and love announcements, love bombers suddenly cut off all contact and simply disappeared. They left their partner without any reasons or explanations.
If you have been love bombed then ghosted, you know how it can be hurtful, confusing, stressful, and damaging. It can seriously harm your self-worth and overall well-being. You have been left in a state of shock and confusion, wondering what the hell just happened.
There is no end scene, just silence. A great deal of trauma. It can prevent you from forming healthy connections with others. And it may be difficult not to feel humiliated and fooled.
Always remember that this is one of the most common forms of manipulation and trauma people around the world can experience. Keep in mind that it is not your fault. Do not blame yourself; give yourself time to process your emotions and heal.
Reasons why love bombing and ghosting happen
Why would anyone love bomb you then ghost you? This is a million-dollar question. Let’s look at some reasons:
1. Narcissism and manipulation
Manipulative people use this unhealthy behavior to achieve their goals and gain control over their dating partners. Love bombing gives narcissists a rush by making others dependent on them, while the ghosting part gives them a feeling of power, which they admire.
2. Low self-esteem
Some love bombers do not have harmful aims or goals. They may be just lonely and insecure. Showering you with attention, compliments, and gifts is their way to keep you close. They wrap their insecurities around them, but when you open the box, the ghosting part comes out. As they don’t want anyone to see their flaws and weaknesses, they simply cut the relationship off.
3. Scared of commitment
Even if love bombers may not have had bad intentions, they ghosted you because they were scared to be part of a real relationship and connect. Commitment to you means “stuck” with you, and that is their nightmare, so ghosting is the easiest way to get rid of peg without upshots and reactions.
4. Avoiding confrontation
Most love bombers usually have deep-rooted self-doubt about having negative interactions with others. When they find the first obstacles on your path, they will ghost you. It’s easier to wipe you off the face of the earth than to face you.
5. Having multiple partners
Often, love bombers are love bombing several people or monkey-branching, so they just move on to a new victim or their backup relationship. Maybe you aren’t as easy a target as they think, or they just like to chase new relationships, or your connection settles into a stable rhythm—and we all know that love bombers hate stability.
6. Satisfaction from playing psychological games
Some people get satisfaction and affirmation by playing head games. They usually lack empathy and a sense of responsibility for their behaviors. They are emotionally undeveloped and cannot handle a healthy, lasting relationship.
7. Having an avoidant attachment style
There are people who are afraid of close connections. They love to bomb to create intimacy, then ghost in order to protect themselves from emotional pain. They usually carry trauma, probably childhood trauma, abuse, or abandonment, in their luggage.
8. Desire to control
Love bombing is almost all about control. Those who love bomb tend to be the center of your world and change your boundaries. You have to focus only on them. Once you draw a border line and they lose control, they will go without a word.
9. There is betting going on
People who suffer from low self-esteem always try to prove themselves. They probably have a bet on whether they will win or not. They will do all they can to win the bet and then simply disappear, as they have no reason to stick around.
10. There is no reason
Personally, this is the most unsatisfying of all reasons. They start dating and make you fall in love with them, even though they do not know why they do that. They have no future plans with you, and they actually do not want a lasting relationship. They will leave as fast as they come.
Being love bombed then ghosted can be hard to deal with. Most of us will probably blame ourselves for it. Never do that! Love bombing is psychological manipulation, and love bombers are experts. Anyone can fall victim to them. Find your way of healing, and never let them come back.
How do I recover and heal?
It can be really difficult to recover after being love bombed then ghosted, especially by someone you care for. The most important thing you need is time. Be patient and kind to yourself. The tips below can help you heal and move on.
- Do not blame yourself
When someone suddenly and unexpectedly disappears, feelings like sadness, depression, shame, and embarrassment occur. The love bomber manipulated you with compliments and gifts, got what he wanted, and vanished. It’s never your fault. They simply don’t have enough courage to address the problem maturely.
Self-care is the best way to get over the pain and heal. Focus on yourself, find what fulfills you, and enjoy everything that may help you to improve your emotional health. You can spend time with your family, catch lunch with a friend, do spiritual and social activities, or take care of your skin.
- Seek support
You can consider talking to a family member, close friends you trust, or a therapist. Be honest and communicate openly. It’s crucial to talk to an objective outsider. Find a safe and encouraging environment.
How do I avoid love bombing?
In order to protect yourself from love bombing, set clear, firm, and healthy boundaries and pay attention to your intuition. Excessive attention, moving quickly, or inappropriate gifts can be red flags. Learn how to recognize love bombing.
There are some tips for avoiding love bombing:
- Watch out for early red flags and signs
- Acknowledge how to avoid narcissists
- Recognize your own vulnerability
- Learn what a healthy relationship is
Love bombers usually look for a victim who has low self-esteem or seeks external validation. Look over the patterns in yourself and boost your self-confidence and self-respect. Be sure that your boundaries are respected early on. Always keep in mind that you cannot change love bombers’ behavior and “save” them. Do not deny, minimize, or rationalize. And never forget that love is respecting, understanding, and supporting, not just passion.
Love bombing is seldom pure, innocent, and warm-hearted. It often leads to complicated consequences and outcomes. It may be exciting and charming in the beginning; it looks like a sign of affection, but it is actually emotional abuse. We can all fall for this trick, but people who have low self-esteem, are people-pleasers, or have had hurtful past experiences are vulnerable to love bombing.
Being showered with love can feel really good, but deep down, love bombers don’t care about you. They don’t respect you and your boundaries.
When you meet a lover bomber, simply go far away before your fairytale turns into an abusive nightmare.