The topic of “money” shouldn’t arise in the early stages of a relationship, but at the same time, it’s an inevitable topic between two romantic partners.
Whether the discussion about money arises mildly, or the spending habits, credit score, debts, or mutual financial goals become a steady conversational topic, your financial values must be pointed out to the person you love, otherwise things can become awkward.
Even if you don’t share the same financial values in the first stages of a relationship, having different financial visions, or not being able to plan out your financial future together, will eventually lead to apprehensiveness, frustration, and even relationship breakdown.
Sharing similar financial goals might be the essence of a perfect relationship, but to achieve that, you ought to recognize financial red flags. Stop the inevitable relationship issue, start communicating your needs, and learn how to recognize financial red flags.
Financial Red Flags in a Relationship 101
Nobody is really keen on discussing money matters in the first few months of a relationship, but as things start getting serious, the money talk is inevitable. So, to fully understand what financial red flags are and to get the gist of how to recognize financial red flags, you need to always keep your ears alert and eyes open. If your love partner isn’t fond of talking about it, if he or she feels uncomfortable when the topic of money arises, or if your partner even refuses to discuss money, then there are bound to be problems.
Any form of avoidance and refusal to discuss money is a red flag. There can be many reasons why somebody doesn’t want to talk about money, maybe they are financially unstable, they have an uncomfortable or secretive family history related to cash, or merely they lack financial lingo. Whatever the case might be, it’s bad.
Those who wish to maintain a healthy relationship with their partner, need to recognize the financial red flags in a relationship and watch out for them so things won’t go south. Here are some basic insights:
Being secretive about money spending habits
Honesty is the best policy in any relationship, the same goes for money matters. Hiding purchases from your partner is the first warning sign that you mustn’t neglect. Being transparent about your spending is not always an easy task, as sometimes you might have bought a random facial cream and don’t feel like telling the price to your partner as it’s a mundane thing, whilst, you might have 300-dollar shoes on sale and keep it a secret.
This financial infidelity, some experts have called it, is a worrying factor in any relationship. Communicating your needs is the best way to practice truthfulness about your spending.
Sometimes the reason behind such secretive money-related actions is that the partner is scared about the consequences when the other side notices their spending habits. In any case, if you don’t want to have a partner who hides his spending habits, it’s high time to do something about it.
Borrowing money from friends and family
Everyone has borrowed money from their family or friends for no particular reason, but that doesn’t mean it’s a sign of concern. However, borowing money from family and friends every once and a while is. When a person starts borrowing money to pay the bills, for bare necessities, or habitual reasons, it’s a big red flag.
In a relationship, no one should have high expectations, and two people should always support each other, even financially, and then when a person you love frequently relies on the generosity of his or her family, that’s a sign of an unstable partner and not-so-peachy relationship.
If they are not able to take care of themself, mainly financially first, and then in other ways, a person can only predict that they cannot look after their partner. Hence, ongoing reliance on friend’s and family’s money support is another sign of concern.
Not having visions about the future
Probably one of the biggest financial red flags in a relationship is when your partner doesn’t have any vision of what the future holds. With a partner who is not future-oriented by your side, you will have ongoing problems that are not only connected to money but to many other things as well.
A partner who doesn’t have a clear insight of how the future together would look like, when he doesn’t possess a savings account, keeps spending excessively, cannot control his finances, and doesn’t prioritize investment, is a partner not worth keeping. Right?
Financial stability is a normal thing in a healthy relationship, and a relationship red flag is when the partner doesn’t have any milestones for future savings.
Being caught up in risky “business”
Sure, not everyone can “keep” money, some people love to indulge themselves – buy fancy sports cars, travel to exotic destinations, or spend money in high-end restaurants. Such things may or may not represent financial red flags, however, if your significant other starts spending money in casinos, or experiencing compulsive spending, then it’s a scream for help.
Gambling and getting entangled in similar risky business can be a very bad habit that can lead to huge financial problems. Casino and generally gambling addiction, for example, can hugely impact your relationship, in a negative way, of course, and unless your partner gets some professional help, you might want to think twice about being with a partner who has such a money disorder.
Behaving irresponsibly towards spendings
A partner who buys flowers every day, the one who takes you on perfect dates, who is attentive and buys expensive jewelry, really sounds like a charming prince. However, reality is not as charming.
When you are in a long-term, committed relationship, you need a pattern who would think about providing a rooftop above your head, opening a savings account for your future children’s college account, and having sufficient money for healthy living.
Constant irresponsible spending on gifts and unnecessary stuff and uncontrolled misuse of a credit card sounds like another financial red flag.
Damaging a credit score can significantly limit a person’s future chances, therefore, it can put a vast financial strain on your future plans such as getting a mortgage.
How to react to financial red flags in your relationship?
There isn’t a single rule of thumb to such a problem, but if you recognize and address relationship red flags, especially the financial ones, there could be a satisfactory outcome.
Nothing can be done overnight, therefore, both partners have to work proactively to improve their financial stability, start communicating their needs, and opt for healthy financial well-being. This takes determination, diligence, and patience. In order not to make the above-mentioned financial red flags detrimental to your relationship, here are a few tips to have in mind:
Aim toward a healthy resolution
Identify the problem, and tackle it immediately. The second you recognize a red flag, aim to determine its severity and see how it can be resolved. In most cases, a simple talk can resolve any issue. But in other cases, you can learn how to communicate the problem, tackle it, and then aim towards a silver lining.
Approach the problem carefully
Don’t be too direct or go towards solving the problems too aggressively, as you might encounter an even tougher problem. Approach your better half carefully and tell him or her all your concerns. When you don’t know how to solve financial red flags, always try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and see what has caused the financial red flag in the first place.
Try to involve a professional
There’s no shame in contacting experts to solve financial red flags. If you have problems communicating your needs, have constant financial disagreements, and can’t control your spending urges, involving a professional such as a couple’s therapist, psychologist or a counselor might be the best option.
Know when things are enough
Very often, some financial red flags can be solved through communication, careful financial planning, and other times by working side by side with a financial expert. In cases where you cannot find a solution to the financial difficulties you are experiencing, just know when to walk away.
Nobody should carry another person’s burdens, no matter how much you love them. If nothing helps in resolving the problem, then probably you should end such a relationship until things get worse.
Things cannot always be peachy, but if you want to protect yourself from a financially burdening future, try to recognize and combat these financial red flags in a relationship and work towards a healthy future together.
