2021 didn’t only bring us our very first pandemic anniversary but also the 18th anniversary of the classic “How To Lose Guy In Ten Days” – probably the most anti, anti-ghosting movie of all time…until the happily ever after part, of course. And granted, not every woman just casually bumps into Matthew McConaughey on the street. But in this day and age, you don’t have to be a True Detective to conclude that the market is dry for us ladies, it truly is.
If we had a penny for every guy proudly holding a fish as his Tinder profile picture, we’d have enough money to purchase and delete the app from existence. All it’s done thus far is fill our DMs with creepy texts, mediocre sex, and all things that scream “yeah I like you, but I’ll forget your last name in a month or two”.
Let us remind you of that nervous shopping, bloodstained shaving, sleeping with curlers on your head, manicures, headaches, ghosting friends, red wine, and makeup, all for a man who’s managed to get on every one of your nerves except the one on the clitoris. Ladies…It’s time to lay the cards on the table. And by cards, we mean graceful ways to break things off and call it quits. In all honesty, some dudes are just not worth it, fish or no fish as his profile picture. And we know, endings really suck, but sometimes, so do relationships…Here’s how to maturely manage casual relationships before getting ghosted yourself.
Speaking of which…
What Is Anti-ghosting?
Linguistically, the term ghosting was popularized by douchey men and women who’ve disappeared out of their partners’ lives, quite literally, like ghosts. They just up and left like the relationship, no matter how dull or casual, has never even existed.
So, in the name of not being a trash human being, we’re putting an end to this by calling a few ghostbusters, as well as Kate Hudson’s role in the abovementioned classic. No matter how messy or ugly it gets, we shouldn’t treat any relationship like a haunted house. And we’re most certainly not going to play Casper when trying to leave. Although breakups are heavy, sit back and get comfortable, because we’re taking you through the types and stages of the art of anti-ghosting.
Don’t Give ‘Em The Ol’ “It’s not you, It’s me” BS
Simply put, we’ve heard it too many times. You say it’s about growth, self-love, independence, blah, blah, blah. No one is falling for that one anymore, Jen. You are about a decade late on that bandwagon. No matter how long the relationship or fling has lasted, no one really deserves to get dumped by being ghosted.
Additionally, instead of giving him a plate full of obvious BS, here’s the modern woman’s approach to this extremely old and overused trick in the book.
“Look…I really like you and I think you are an amazing guy, but as you might have noticed, my career is a handful and my ambition is yet to be fulfilled. Sadly, that doesn’t give me enough space and energy for anything that catches my attention beyond my work…And you deserve better than that.”
Or something along those lines, you know?
Be Direct, But Not Mean
Some dudes are just…overwhelming. From socially awkward texts to going on seemingly endless tangents about things and interests, you have no common ground with. If the vibe is off, it’s just off! No need to beat a dead horse.
When you notice these “under the radar” red flags and bad vibes at the very beginning, you just have to cut ties before things get too deep. Since we’re dealing with parts of someone’s personality that you are not particularly interested in, it’s very important to be genuine and respectful…well, if you want to. But since you’re reading this blog, we assume you’d want to. The last thing you need to carry on your dating track record is some man scratching his head and going “you accidentally left me on read…or was it on purpose”? It’s little things like these that can really mess with people’s self-perception and confidence. And grrrl, you do NOT want to be the one responsible for that outcome, believe us.
Be transparent and respectful. Mention some of their good sides as well, and let them know they would be much better off with someone else because they deserve it. Or any other Pinterest quote you come across. If they are mature and respectful, just like your approach, they will understand and do what they can to move on.
When you’re just looking to order the Samantha Jones special, it’s important to let people know what table you’re sitting at. Imagine going skin-deep with someone just to drown their feelings one day by saying “no, I don’t want to fall in love”…Yikes. That right there might as well be ghosting by proxy. Guys who give up on dating might have dated someone who has done this to them in the past. It’s suuuuper important, to be honest!
In other words, Kate if you just want to, consensually, bang Matthew McConaughey (who doesn’t by the way) by all means, feel free to do so. Just make sure to share your intentions and feelings with him beforehand.
He’s Just Not That Into You
Being honest with your partner/s is important, we’ve established that. But being honest with yourself is even more important. Sometimes, plainly put, he’s just not that into us…And that’s okay!
Dodging rejection cues and turning a blind eye to everything you don’t want to see is so dangerous. And please, stop Googling “how often should a guy text you in the beginning”, because deep down, you already know how he feels and what he wants.
Words can sometimes be tricky to get right, but vibes never get that lost in translation. There are always subtitles when you’re not trying to avoid the brutality of rejection. This one is straight from the depths of Twitter, but that doesn’t make it any less true: “If they wanted to, they would have”. And before you can even reach the stage of “oh my God, he ghosted me”, we’ll leave you with that. Also, how many douchebags does Bradley Cooper have to play before you grrrls realize looks can be deceiving?!
Ditch The Player, Not The Game!
Dating and casual relationships are as turbulent as can be, no doubt about it. But many girlies fail to make a distinction between one bad apple and the entire tree. No need to start acting reckless and mean in the name of all men being trash..some are…but certainly not all. And when a rotten apple does end up falling on your head, be honest. Admit you’ve let in a douche and let them know they’ve screwed up.
“I didn’t sign up to be anyone’s mother. If you have issues, I’ll happily listen to you, but that’s not an excuse for you to be acting like the biggest piece of sh*t. I’ll have to end this, but best of luck in therapy!”
And walk away. No more “what is ghosting in texting” Google searches for you. If you feel like you deserve more, you already do. Plus, therapy IS something that should be normalized more, especially amongst men, who, statistically, have a tendency to say no to it. And a little advice, glance over to our other article ‘green flags in online dating‘ so you don’t forget that there are in fact green ones and not just blinking red. In the end we all want someone for the long run.
Waving the Last Ghost Goodbye
People often stay in relationships they don’t want to be in, mostly because they are afraid of either starting over or being alone. Sometimes, folks feel like ghosting is the least messy option, completely neglecting the other person’s feelings. Chances are, they are having the same thoughts as you. But ghosts don’t really get too much closure nowadays, do they now?
In turn, anti-ghosting isn’t just a trend, but a mature approach to casual relationships, as well as a clear sign of an individual letting, go and growing up.