Photo by Eye for Ebony
Some people fully know their inner child, while others don’t want to admit having one. Even though we cannot really see them, every single person on the planet has their little second self that follows them every step of the way. Your inner child isn’t only your sane (or insane) reflection; it’s the person who can cause irrational fears, unwanted stress, sabotage our dreams, and lead us in wrongful directions.
Sometimes we can blame our inner child for the emotional exhaustion or a relationship breakdown, and it’s a tangible cause, to say the least. Since this other version of you may have bad manners in front of colleagues, may resent their boss, and even be the reason you date the wrong people, the fact is that they are to blame if you don’t make a move and do something to heal your wounded child. You’ve heard it right – to improve your mental and physical stead, boost your well-being, advance your achievements in life, and have steady relationships, you have to heal your wounded inner child. And here is how.
Who is your inner child?
First things first, let’s quickly look into who or what your inner child might be. Some experts believe it’s literally your younger self, a person from your childhood, a person who you wanted to be, or a person who you want to forget about being. This younger version of you used to be hurt or neglected, his or her dreams might have been shattered, or you were never shown love the way you deserved or always wanted. Other experts believe that an inner child is a person from your childhood that you want to forget and not lead the life you might have been predisposed to lead. Sounds complicated, but it’s rather simple, and the inner child is the faulty, wounded, neglected, or stuck version of you that still follows you through your current life—and requires healing.
Signs your inner child is wounded
There are several signs of a wounded inner child, but the main thing you need to remember is that such wounds come from experiences in the past. Your adult child tends to reflect what the inner child heard, experienced, or suffered, whether it’s the divorcing parents, destructive family relations, death, or some other recycled trauma. Living through those mistakes is not a life anyone wants. Therefore, you need to stop being confused, disappointed, or upset, let that have consequences on your current life, and detect the five most common signs that your inner child is still hurting.
1. Constantly showing self-sabotaging behavior
Ever been late for an important meeting? Or start an argument for no particular reason? Or even skipped the application deadline for the job of your dreams? Well, there’s no way that you are to be blamed for all of those things, but rather your inner child. Very often, when you feel that the adult in you is willing to take the next step in life, something else keeps pulling you back, the younger part of you who is scared of obligations or achievement. Showing up late to meetings, procrastinating, losing your temper, not being able to communicate your needs, and basically showing self-sabotaging actions are when your inner child interferes with your current self.
2. Overreacting to small things
Your childhood faulty and sensitive actions can repeat in the future, and sometimes childhood wounds that happened when you were too young to remember them start emerging at an adult age. If you were to observe your body language and reactions (or lack of reactions) in various situations, you can find clues of emotional, mental, and physiological bruises from the past. A clear sign that your inner child is wounded is having exaggerated feelings about mundane things. For example, overreacting or shouting at your partner when he forgets to buy milk is one sign, or experiencing strong reactions to seeing trivial outcomes is another. Technically, whenever you feel agitated or nervous when someone is not paying attention to you, your inner child will shout at you.
3. Experiencing an unreasonable coping mechanism
The second we have trouble managing difficult or painful emotions, our brain and body start its coping mechanism. When it comes to your wounded inner child, there are high chances that throughout your childhood, you had to face various difficult situations, lead or witness unhealthy relationships, have constant permissions, and experience neglect and loneliness. All these negative childhood experiences might have taught you to constantly be alert, to hold back your feelings, to wrongly process emotions, and to react unreasonably to painful situations. An unreasonable coping mechanism is when you cannot deal with certain deeds and emotions logically, but burst out crying or even show no emotions whatsoever.
4. Experiencing excessive self-criticism
Your inner child might be your worst inner critic who will always find fault with anything you have set your mind to doing, and even invalidate all your emotions, and showcase excessively negative behavior. The reason for such behavior could be due to having too critical or over-demanding parents or adults raising you when you were young, and that now it has followed you to your adulthood. Now your adult self has completely internalized your younger self’s voice, and you keep on thinking that you are not worthy of some things, have trouble fitting in, and have low self-esteem.
5. Experiencing emotional burnout
People with wounded inner children will very often feel mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion and ongoing chronic feelings of emptiness and hopelessness. When you keep going in and out of a relationship, you cannot detect relationship red flags, continue chasing unavailable people, and have trouble maintaining a healthy relationship. Also, if you tend to experience chronic fatigue, depressive thoughts, eating disorders, anxiety, and ongoing feelings of disconnection from other people, know that these symptoms are linked to some childhood trauma, and you are bound to have emotional burnout.
How to heal your inner child?
Once you have detected signs that your inner child is wounded, you have to do your best to repair the relationship, firstly with your inner child, then with your current state of mind, and later with the world. This is not going to be easy, but it can be utterly rewarding as you will let go of old, dubious, and persistent negative emotions, and feel happier and safer. Let loose of your inner child by reconnecting to your younger self and trying to ditch the long-buried feelings of anger, sadness, and pain. Here are some of the essential steps on how to start healing your wounded inner child.
Acknowledge your inner child
To start the recovery process, first, you need to acknowledge your inner child’s presence. Try to pay attention to how you speak or react when your inner child is awakened, and detect that some of the wrong actions are actually coming from the deep depths of your old self. Try to recognize and accept various actions and emotions from the past that caused you pain and still make you feel uneasy. Don’t hide away its presence and try to reminisce about a few childhood experiences that made you feel the way you feel now.
Listen to the message your inner child is sending
Once you have acknowledged its presence and opened the door to a reasonable connection with your inner child, the time has come to start listening. Your inner child will usually be the loudest when it’s triggered by some strong emotions of discomfort or when the past wounds start reopening. Therefore, if you feel anger due to unmet needs, guilt, shame, insecurity, rejection, or vulnerability, this is your inner child screaming for help. Pay attention and listen to what it has to say. Whenever you feel rejected or agitated, don’t just let those emotions trigger you, but rather take time to consider why this has happened and search for a resolution.
Try meditating
Let’s presume that you have sensed your inner child and realized what its needs and wishes are. Why not start asking your inner child how to resolve them yourself? One of the best healing tactics includes, believe it or not, meditation. Meditation is a magnificent way of opening yourself up to various answers and doubts. When you meditate, you need to close your eyes, clear your head, release the steam, and open up your physical and mental “self” to the inner world. By meditating, you can enhance mindful self-awareness, boost your self-esteem, release unwanted emotions, and maintain control of your inner child.
Photo by Jasmin Chew
Talk to a professional
Sometimes, past traumas can overwhelm your present and cause too much distress. Talking to a therapist can significantly help restore your old self and enable you to let go of old worries that your inner child keeps projecting in the present moment. Emotional turmoils are not something you should neglect, and if you have trouble dealing with them, there’s no shame in contacting an expert. A good therapist knows how to prioritize past events and concerns that keep emerging in the present.
Final words
All emotions, positive or negative, can easily be assigned to your inner child, but that’s just an easy way out of the problem. Instead of blaming the things that happened in the past, start focusing on the future, and you will start healing in no time.
